Where is the hickey?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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