I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
