Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
