Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize