I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
