mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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