did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
