and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
