his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
