I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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