He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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