I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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