we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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