"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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