Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
