the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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