I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
