yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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