allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
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Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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