Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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