i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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