Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
