Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
