my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
