i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
