its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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