No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
