found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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