I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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