Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
