Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i have two assholes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
