just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
