Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
