i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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