we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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