I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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