why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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