Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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