Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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