I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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