im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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