If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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