Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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