just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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