I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
