I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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