Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You were trust falling into bushes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
