we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
