i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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