And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
