You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
