I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
