apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
