direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
