Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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