i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
