I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
