and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have fence marks all over my body
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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